The Motherhood Experiment

Someone's been playing hooky this week.

Well maybe not with work. I'm actually on it this week.

And not with household chores, either. This is the CLEANEST this house has been, consistently, in a long time.

In fact, this week has flown by with the same day-to-day shit that seems to be taken for granted endlessly. And this week is definitely not the exception.

It doesn't matter that I've had the house cleaned AND organized by the time Hubz gets home. Kids taken care of, fed and bathed. Laundry folded and put away. Checkbook balanced and all bills paid on time. Completed all my hours for work before dinner time. Even staying on top of my goal of exercising at least 3X a week.

Never mind that the 3-year old will cry to demonstrate his frustration. Or wants. Or that I refuse to give him what he's asking for if he's crying. Or whining. Same with the 7-year old.

Whine and tears will get you nowhere in this house. At least, not with me. And if you're anywhere near me in Target or Costco, you probably have overheard me saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't do anything for you while you're crying."

That usually turns off the waterworks, as long as they take a breath so they can actually hear me. Sometimes I have to repeat myself several times before they hear me. And then come the hugs.

Do you know that we have a position posted in our department? For the same type of position I'm currently in right now?

Decent pay. Flexible part-time hours. Ability to work in the office or from home.

But our top candidates have turned it down - why?

"Oh, if I only work 20 hours a week, I won't be able to afford childcare anymore."

Well, THAT rose a chuckle out of me. In fact, I laughed out loud during our conference call. Most of the women in our industry will turn down the opportunity to work from home, because it's just not possible to get our jobs done while minding our children under the same roof.

Even if they WERE working from home, they'd need to hire someone to watch the kids so they could get their jobs done.

Wouldn't that be bliss???

But I laugh, because that is exactly what I face, every day. I wake up in the morning with corporate email, and go to bed with corporate email. I try to suppress the noise factor in my house when on the phone, and when I'm talking with the Marketing and eCommerce Manager planning a pop-up meeting for next week - it doesn't help when I have two monsters bumrush me in the office while playing hide and seek under my desk.

Oh - everything works out alright. I've never gotten in trouble or anything, even when my littlest one peed on the floor while I was on the phone with my bosses. (Yes - true story!) And when it's finally become unavoidable, I can usually crack a joke about it and we just get a good laugh out of it.

But afterwards... when I hang up the phone?

I'm so mad I am seriously seeing scarlet, red and orange. Try dealing with that, day in and day out.

Along with having a husband CONSTANTLY reminding you that you're overweight. Hell, he doesn't even have to say anything sometimes. I can SEE it in his eyes, in his face... in the way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking and when he knows I am.

Or when he comes home to a clean house, only to look for something out of order so he can bitch about that. Like when Jacob set up a desk next to mine so he can work on his math while Joel was taking a nap.

He brought in his workbook and a flowerpot he made for me to hold his pencils, then trotted over with his trophies to display.

"There. Now it's like Dad's desk!"

And since this is routine, I didn't bother to make him put it away. I actually thought it was kinda cute.

But at 10pm last night, just when I thought Skinny Ass had finally gotten it all out of his system, I hear him muttering under his breath in the kitchen.

"Fucken can't even tell the kids to pick up after themselves..." and yadiyadiya.

So, let me see now. He's insulting me as a mother, that I'm not doing my job well in teaching my children how to pick up. He's insulting the kids, when he doesn't realize how everybody pitches in around here to get the house tidied up at the end of the day.

And by "at the end of the day," I mean after dinner has been cleaned up. Because we ALL know that it's not the end of the day for Mothers. No, not when you haven't had any ME time yet, but you still have baths to give, teeth to brush, and kids to get ready for bed. You haven't had time to blog all day - all week! - but you're NOT going to give him a reason to bitch anymore.

Well, this week - I decided to conduct a little experiment.

I told myself I would stay on top of everything all week, and see how that would affect - well, everyone. I'd have home-cooked meals and the house cleaned before he got home from work.

I'd eat healthy and exercise, and spend good quality time with the boys. Get my work finished before it was time to start dinner - and the kids to swimming lessons on time each day. And definitely make sure I don't spend time on the computer after he got home. (*sigh* - but I sure do miss my bloggy friends...)

And you know what? I did it. All of it. I usually do it anyway, just a little on the lax side. Like, I don't care if the house isn't perfect, or if my mail is piled up on the kitchen counter.

But this week? I was friggin' Wonder Woman.

But he doesn't care. He still finds something to bitch about. And after he's bitched about whatever he found, he thinks he can start talking to me like everything's okay. Like everything's normal. As if putting me down as a wife and mother, putting the kids down, isn't going to have this, uh, negative affect on me.

No, sir. There are consequences. You can bitch all you like, and maybe I have to put up with it because I married your Skinny Ass, but it doesn't mean that everything's gonna be hunky dory whenever YOU feel like it.

I KNOW you're tired. I KNOW you don't mean half the things you say. But I'm your opposite, remember? I don't say something UNLESS I mean it.

And when you complain that you've worked 120+ hours the last 2 weeks, I ask you in turn, if you know how many hours I'VE worked the last 2 weeks, I'm flabbergasted to hear you say:

"NO. I mean working at a REAL job."

Oh. My bad. I thought I actually DID have a real job. A couple of them, actually. One that comes with a paycheck after working 20 hours a week, and another with endless hours - day in and day out - that has its own rewards.

I'm a Work-At-Home-Mom, taking care of my job, my boys and the house. And even if you can't appreciate it, even if I'm not perfect, I know I'm doing a damn good job. I don't need you to tell me so - Lord knows, you haven't yet in the 10 years we've been together. But I don't need you telling me I'm doing a shitty job either.

I don't ever pretend to know what it would take to do what you do every day, or having to burden the pressures of having to make sure you can provide for your family.

But you're not here every day. You can't even handle shopping with the kids. And when my mom had brain surgery and you took vacation for 2 weeks to watch the kids, you couldn't even handle THAT. There were just 2 then, and you were on VACATION! You weren't even working!!

I'm working AND handling the kids. All 3 of them. You come home to a decent house in order and a damn decent sex life. I don't know ANY OTHER couples out there that can compete. Trust me. I've asked.

I don't pretend that I can do your job, much less better. So please don't pretend like you can do mine better.

Please.

Continue...

What's Your Number?

A Work-At-Home-Mom's "To-Do" List.

Neverending, isn't it? My girl, Vhiel, tagged me with a list of the 5 things I do the most each day:

• EXERCISE
  Rise and shine to get my early workout in
  
  
• MEALS
  Fix a healthy breakfast for the boys before they leave for school, ready to go with packed lunches; Prep a homemade dinner for later that evening.
  
  
• PRE-PRE-SCHOOL
  Work on pre-school curriculum with my potty-trained 3 year old, going on scheduled snack/meal, recess and potty breaks
  
  
• WAHM
  Get four solid hours of uninterrupted [nobody hollering or crying in the background of a conference call] work time for my telecommuting job in hospitality
  
  
• PLAY
  After homework's completed, take the kids to the park for some after-school play time outside, and get ready for some snookie after they go to bed. ;)
  

Oh wait. That's a list of what I WISH I did every day. lol - not what actually gets done.

Realistically?

The kids will eat cereal with cocoa, and Jacob will eat lunch at school while JC brings in lunch from something we probably got at Costco. Ditto for dinner, unless I'm in the mood for a Filipino dish or something to throw onto the grill.

Our curriculum for Joel consists of KPBS and Noggin', with some choice books and DVD's - and maybe some outside play time in our humble backyard with the dog. And hell no - he ain't potty trained yet. We'll be working on that later this month (pray for us, please).

Work hours get squeezed in throughout the day, but my productivity is at its best if I can stay in the office for at least 2 hours straight. In the morning and the afternoon. Yeah, right - like that's gonna happen. Try that with a toddler who's fascinated with his nekkid self while you're on a conference call with your bosses.

Play time? Homework takes forever most days. I'm amazed at the amount of homework that comes in these days. And if they actually finish while there's still daylight out, you're hoping it's not scorching out there at 100+ degrees. Like it is today. At midnight last night it was 88. Eight-eight.

And hell - the snookie's been a little slow since I've been sick all week. Just twice.

Which I still think isn't bad. Tell me I'm not wrong. What's your weekly number?

Continue...

Making the Choice to Work from Home or Snatch up that Fancy Promotion

aula over at Olive Juice is currently trying to make a decision many of us moms encounter at some point during Motherhood: Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Stay home with the kids? Or go back out into the work force?

That is definitely a tough one. I was at the same crossroad - TWICE - in the last 5 years. First as a Sr. Account Manager, ready to be promoted to Director of Sales for 3 hotels in our market. Second as an Operations Manager, ready to be promoted to Asst. General Manager (#2 to the Big Dog) for that particular hotel.

I asked myself the same questions:

• How many other incredible career opportunities like this will I encounter?
  
• How many other opportunities will I have to be able to work from home with my toddler?

You've probably guessed which decision I made... at both times.

Sometimes I wish I weren't such a homebody. Stuck in the house for most of the day and night. Sometimes I wish I had the office camraderie I used to have when I worked on property. LOTS of times I wish I was still out there so I wouldn't be so damn nervous going to conferences, or speaking in public (in person OR on a conference call).

But most times I am thankful for the flexibility and freedom that comes with being a Work-At-Home-Mom. I love being able to work in my pajamas, and take long breaks with my kiddos. Dictating my own schedule, setting conference calls around my kids' schedules, calling it a day without having to fight traffic.

Does this mean I'm any less successful because of the decisions I've made?

Well, I guess that would depend on who's looking and judging my success. Looking at performance and merit reviews, one could say I'm doing alright. Looking at my career path, it would depend on what my goals would be.

Frankly, all that really matters to me is if it works for me and my family.

And even if I work from home, it doesn't mean the dishes are all washed, laundry's put away and all of our meals are prepared and ready to go. (lol - yeah. Right.) It means I don't have to have the perfect house, or the perfect car (or those really CUTE shoes I saw online)!

It just means I get to be at home with the cutest not-so-perfect little monsters I call my own. I'm just lucky enough to work for a great company, with top bosses and decent pay.

Now THAT'S what I call a win/win. :)

But some of us may not be able to catch the same break. Sometimes we have a lousy grouch to report to or we don't have the same opportunity in being able to telecommute. Sometimes it's a once-in-a-lifetime job offer that you just can't say "no" to. And sometimes, we think we might just go stir-crazy without being able to escape our motherhood duties if only for a few hours to remember what it was like before kids.

Are you in the same boat? Or did you already cross that river?

Continue...

Tuesday Toot #3 WAHM Productivity Level

For the 3rd edition of my Tuesday Toot, I have to tell you - I’ve been on this incredibly productive roll. In the last 3 days, I’ve actually completed the following:

• Moved plants into the backyard
• Prepped the front yard for new flowers
• Remodeled my blog (hurray!)
• Customized my template in Cr8Buzz
• Cleaned off the piles of paperwork on my desk
• Organized the medicine cabinet & first aid supplies
• Got the boys to clean out the playroom – beginning with the CLOSET
• Organized all of our receipts to send with our electronic organizer to the CPA
• Created a *new* static "Link2Love" page on this blog for my new bloggin' friends!

All this and I still somehow managed to get my hours in for work, feed the boys 3 squares (okay – leftovers included, I admit) and run around like fools playing hide and go seek.

It might help if Joel could count past 3.

Lol - I just hope I can keep this productivity level up.

Yeah, right.

Continue...

Speed? I AM Speed!!

Do you know what my husband calls me?

Mario Andretti.

Here's what this WAHM's day looks today:

--7:00am: Morning Rush Begins

--7:30am: Conference Call

--8:15am: Kick the Kids Off to School; Joel's Lessons Begin

--9:00am: Conference Call

--10:00am: Joel's Mid-Morning Snack

--12:30pm: Pick up Jacob (Minimum Day)

--12:45pm: Lunch

--1:45pm: Parent/Teacher Conference

--2:00pm: Joel's Nap; Jacob's Homework

--3:30pm: Afternoon Snack

--4:30pm: Afternoon Carpool for JC

--4:45pm: Jacob's Little League Practice

--6:00pm: Dinner

Somewhere in between all of that, I still need to put in some hours for work. So bring it on, McQueen. This is where we Git-R-Done!

Continue...

The Ultimate Compliment

Whoa. I JUST got off the phone with my boss, and I'm dancing on clouds!!

I've been working from home for several years now, always trying to figure out how to manage the work/life balance. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

But since I went part-time from 40 to 20 hours a week, I've been really particular about NOT working extra hours to get the job done. Yes, I want to do the best job I possibly can. No, I don't want to forever bend over backwards for it - with little respect for myself and my family time. I told you I'm a b*tch. ;)

I was nervous that this decision would affect my annual review... but, I'm taking advantage of this meme to toot my own horn: I received the highest merit increase given in our entire region in at least 5 years.

Turns out, both of my bosses had to go to the Regional Vice President for approval, who naturally pushed back. But I have to tell you, it wasn't the $$ that did it for me (though it'll help to pay towards some credit cards!)

It was my bosses going to bat for me, getting the RVP's approval, all of them letting me know how much they value me as an associate.

Keyword? Value.

THAT is the ultimate compiment.

I was so high after getting off the phone, Joel and I ran around the house in circles, in our pajamas, dog in tow.

To all of you Working Moms & Dads ~ how do you manage your work/life balance?

Continue...

The Joys of Working from Home

There's this myth, you know, about people who work from home. Most people have this idea in their head that someone who home-offices gets to sleep in, channel surf, take long afternoon naps, shower in the afternoon... (well... that last one might not be a myth after all - lol)

"I wish I could work from home - then I could catch up on my TiVo!"

"Man, if I could work from home, I'd be going to the beach every day."

"It must be NICE to work from home - you don't have to drive in to the office, worry about what you're going to wear..."

I still remember when I used to work in the field - I'd get the kids dropped off and drive the 30 minutes to the hotel, walk into my shared office with half a dozen people in line to talk with me and set up my laptop while I took the first of the disgruntled.

Ever take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test? I'm a huge "J," I love structure and like to plan and organize my days. If someone in the office asked "Where do you guys want to go for lunch," I'd ask "What time do you guys want to go?" See - I like to plan. I can be anal at times, I know. So can you imagine what it did to me to have to give up my plans for the day due to unscheduled appointments?

In my last position before this, I was the Operations Manager at the hotel and doubled as Human Resources Manager. All those people in line? They weren't waiting for me so we could chit-chat or ask about a new process we implemented. If I had been smarter during those days, I might've requested they schedule time with me - but then there goes the whole "Open Door" policy, right?

But at the end of the day, I'd pick up the kids, head home and start dinner. My focus was either at work or with the kids, and the kids didn't have to compete for my attention. Nice and simple.

Telecommuting (or working from home) tends to complicate things a bit. You still have to get up early to get the kids dressed and fed and brought to school on time. Earlier still to get your workout in - 'coz if it didn't happen in the morning it wasn't going to happen at all.

So after you've survived the morning rush and are ready to start work, you still have to make sure the 2-year old is safe and entertained. But it wouldn't be healthy to let him sit in front of a TV all day and you still have diaper changes, snack time and meal time and naptimes... So you squeeze in some time for e-mail and meeting planning and projects here and there, and then it's time to pick up your 1st grader and you have to hurry back because you have an e-mail that needs to go out to the whole region by a certain time but of course, Jacob wants to stay for after-school recess with his friends and you start chatting with the other Moms...

And after you've been home for an hour or so and Jacob's finished his snack and started his homework (hmph - if I'm lucky), it's time to pick up JC from school. His afternoons alternate between volunteer work (tutoring other students) and practice (either football, soccer or basketball) and now it's time to start dinner.

It feels like you're juggling and multi-tasking from sun up to sun down. Gone are the days when you didn't have to shuffle back and forth between work and kids and bills in the same hour and now you get to put ALL your hats on at the SAME TIME.

So you're trying to figure out what you can cook quickly (since you forgot, again, to take something out of the freezer) and then the phone rings. The work line.

CRAP! It's one of your bosses and you're needed on a last minute conference call to take care of a little emergency that just flared up. Well, OF COURSE you take the call, even if you hadn't gotten the 2 monsters settled yet and you TRY closing the French Doors in the office, but after 15 minutes of the boys to themselves...

Jacob: "MOOOOOOM!! Joel just took off his diaper!!"

Mom's still on the phone and it's not like I can holler back to him, without looking like an unprofessional idiot at least. But because he thought I didn't hear him, Jacob comes running into the office...

Jacob: "MOOOOOOOOOOOOM! MOM! Joel just PEED on the carpet!"

And - silence. I wasn't talking. My bosses weren't talking. Even Jacob was quiet - watching, waiting. Then one of my bosses said, "Did he just say -?" and we all just started bustin' up.

Thank goodness I'm blessed with such wonderful people to work for.

And for Nature's Miracle, as well.

Continue...